Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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