If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
