now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
