i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
