I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Reggie can tackle my bush.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
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