I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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