i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
