I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
