my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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