How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
