i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
