nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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