Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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