I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
