Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
