I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
