no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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