dude i'm inner monologue high
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
