If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
