Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
