new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
