Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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