Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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