Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
