Swine flu is the new snow day.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
