moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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