I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
