I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
It's shark week go big or go home
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
