what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
