and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
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