I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
