You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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