margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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