Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
