DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
