ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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