I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
This baby is an asshole
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
