omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
