We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
