So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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