Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
