apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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