The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Randomize
