I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
