I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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