Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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