Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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