I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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