my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
i now understand why vodka
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
