i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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