12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
