i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
